So because you were a) too lazy to understand the concept of differential privacy b) the value of using anonymized data and c) come up with a trivial strawman, that makes the whole concept of anonymization unnecessary and something that should be replaced by oversimplified factories?

How ignorant and wrong-headed. I'd recommend learning more about the concepts of k-anonymity and differential privacy before you prematurely presume impossible a concept that others (including Google) have been able to use successfully.