Definitely BJJ. Just avoid mainly competition gyms, and you'll be fine. Look for a school that offers a fundamentals class (most gyms do, but... competition gyms lack in this regard).

Muay Thai has also been okay. It's brutal when you first start (RIP your toes and shins), but the sparring at my current gym is very relaxed, nobody is trying to kill you. This is how most muay thai gyms should be (not saying they are).