I do not know how you arrived at these odd conclusions, but I would recommend reading a few books on urbanism to understand exactly what I'm proposing.

The High Cost of Free Parking - https://a.co/d/7NIZHp9

Strong Towns: A Bottom-Up Revolution to Rebuild American Prosperity - https://a.co/d/19DDeTU

Walkable City Rules: 101 Steps to Making Better Places - https://a.co/d/8F0cWzl

> eschewing all self-reliance

that's the thing though, the suburban/rural individual house lifestyle is a a bit of a cosplay self-reliance - it's completely dependent on someone else providing you with staggering quantities of fossil fuels

No one is more reliant on other people than someone living on a farm or out in the middle of nowhere. This is why rural neighbors are often so friendly. When something goes wrong you only have each other.

Suburbia relies almost entirely on urban centers or something like a military base or university to survive. I remember when Bill Clinton closed March Air Force Base in California and the city surrounding it died like a plant that was watered using bleach.