I think your comment is right on the mark. The cycle you describe paints an unfortunately accurate picture of many of my high school and university years. I derived not just self esteem but much of my identity from having people perceive me as smart. I learned early on that people don't readily equate perky with intelligent so I dampened my enthusiasm for, well, effectively everything. Loneliness, too, played a role. Being "the smart one" shut me out of a lot of social situations which fed into my depression. But the exclusion also fueled my image of intelligence. I'm sure you can see how this situation has vicious cycle written all over it.

Thankfully I can write about this in the past tense. What changed? I moved to San Francisco for four months for an internship. I didn't know a single person in the city and used the opportunity to forge a new identity. Day after day, person after person, I would try a new Eric. I pretended, on various occasions, to be a cook, a banker, a mechanical engineer, a park ranger, any number of other professions. And, funny thing, I was happiest just being me. When I moved back to finish my degree I was happier than I had ever been. So it all came down to a change of scenery!