Probably a savior complex. I was abused as a child, was enamored by tech from a young age, and have always felt that the way to productively channel my pain was to create a product that could improve the lives of many. Have grappled with and psychoanalyzed this desire for many years and have decided to stop fighting it.

no offence but you sound completely confused

They sound increasingly self-aware. Adverse childhood experiences are important to crawl out from under, and it takes a lot of work. If you're confused about what they're saying, why not ask for clarification?

Thanks for your contribution

Fair enough. A compromise might be a stable job plus open-source contributions. There are a lot of valuable OSS projects!