it ended up being a confluence of personal life stuff plus how pointless the jobs felt (especially after what a slog university was, i was basically already burnt out going into my first job.) i think boring meant adrenaline didn't kick in as much, and my first few jobs didn't really try to incentivize caring about work in ways that weren't blatantly exploitative or "on trust."

honestly, idk that it was really anything specific, so much as a bunch of different things finally catching up to me mixed with some bad luck