I prefer -vi- defaults so:

    au!
    
    set noai
    set sm
    set cp
    setf none
    set nocindent
    set nosmartindent
    filetype off
    
    inoremap <Left>  <NOP>
    inoremap <Right> <NOP>
    inoremap <Up>    <NOP>
    inoremap <Down>  <NOP>
    
    noremap <F1> <NOP>
    inoremap <F1> <NOP>
    
    cabbr h you_typed_colon_h_again_you_idiot
    
    nnoremap q <NOP>
    
    autocmd FileChangedShell \* echon ""
    
    set directory=/tmp
    
    set mouse=
    set ttymouse=
    
    # try uncommenting this if angry fruit salad still ensues:
    # syn off