I'm going to frame this entire response in terms of watching football, because I want to be clear that it is not, here, the programming that is a problem, or even relevant.

If you hung out with your friends (who all happen to be male) to watch football, that's not necessarily sexist. (1)

If one of the friends brought along an out-of-town friend (who was a football fan, and male) one week to hang out and watch football with all of you, and you welcomed him in for the week, that's also not necessarily sexist. (2)

If one of the friends brought along an out-of-town friend (who was a football fan, and female) one week to hang out and watch football with all of you, and you objected that she wasn't part of the group and you like a time just with friends to hang out, that's still not necessarily sexist. (3)

But if (1), (2), and (3) all pertain, then we have a pretty clear case of sexism, I'd say. Maybe you'd think (1) and (2) pertain but not (3); but if you go around calling the weekly group "boys' night", then (3) is pretty strongly implicated, and if one of the group was thinking about bringing along his (female) friend, he might decide to just skip that week or not invite her, because that wouldn't make sense for something called "boys' night", right? Or maybe he'd bring her along, and someone would make a comment like, "guess it's not 'boys' night' this week, ha ha, I guess some girls like football too" thus calling attention to her sex and re-emphasising that she's weird and exceptional.

As soon as you take a bunch of friends hanging out---which is, at least presumptively, not a sexist activity---and slap a gendered label on it like "boys' night", or "brogramming", you know what? It's probably become a sexist experience. Even if that was not intended and even if you don't think it is.

One of the points that I make in my post is that it's not up to YOU (or even your girlfriend) to decide what offends ME (or any other woman in CS). If you take nothing else away, please understand that.

With regards to "brogramming," I personally don't find the idea all that offensive. But there's a critical mass of women in tech who do, and I think that it's my responsibility--and yours--to respect that.

My point is that I think your "critical mass of women in tech" are offended by sexism, not brogramming. Brogramming isn't sexist in itself, as I tried to illustrate. Hiring based on the brogrammer meme is sexist discrimination, though.

I respect that they're offended, I just don't think you've targetted the source of offense precisely.

I'd guess that close to 100% of women in tech are offended by sexism. There is a group--almost certainly a subset--which is offended by brogramming. They have said so.

Now, you can try to go convince them otherwise, but I strongly recommend against it.

That's fine if you also realize don't (in general) have the right to not be offended.

This is how I interpret it too. It's self-deprecating and ironic. It is a complex reference though, so its not surprising that some people misinterpret it.

I used to agree with you, and then I realized that when it comes to offense, there's no such thing as a misinterpretation. If somebody's offended by something, that's not your call to make. Certainly this can be reduced to absurdity (I'm offended you would make this argument about offensiveness!) but I don't think Tess & co are trying to be facetious here.

FWIW, I think brogramming is self-deprecating and ironic too, and not the least bit offensive. But Tess doesn't - and I respect that.

EDIT: You're not obligated to stop doing something simply because somebody thinks it's offensive. But it's kind of the polite thing to do.

The question is, what responsibility does one have in response to another's offense? I don't think in general one has a responsibility to alter their behavior. Certain situations do entail responsibility onto the offender, any professional setting for example. But when it comes to behavior in a private setting (including public places on your private time) then you need more than just "I'm offended" to claim someone should alter their behavior.

I don't think there's a formal obligation except to the extent that one has common goals.

Here, my common goal with the OP is that everybody who wants to program for a living feel welcome to do so. As a well-off white male, there's very little people can say to offend me. (Which reminds me of Louis CK's great take on this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TG4f9zR5yzY ) But that's not true for everybody, and I'd like to make sure that everybody feels welcome and safe in my office and in my field.

So whether or not I'm personally bothered by the brogrammer stuff, I think it's reasonable to honor the suggestion that it not be used in situations, like recruiting, that will make some people feel uncomfortable.

That's a very good point about common goals. That's one thing almost all of us in this field can agree on. Once we can start there, it does follow that one's behavior should be as inclusive as possible.

There's also another dimension here: describing yourself as a brogrammer vs creating a brogrammer atmosphere. I don't think the term brogrammer itself is offensive such that it entails purging it from our lingo. It's when you create exclusionary groups with the term that creates the problem. Describing oneself as a brogrammer shouldn't be seen as offensive, as it's simply describing a mentality you have (perhaps as a joke, or maybe even seriously). So I disagree with the article that we should completely remove the term. It seems to mirror the effort I've seen talked about to make CS less "nerdy" to appeal to a wider audience (as if removing star wars posters from the CS lounge will attract more students). But using the term as a recruiting tool or to create a meetup centered around "brogrammer" themes shouldn't happen, as its needlessly exclusionary.

So I don't actually find brogramming particularly offensive. A little exclusive? Yeah. Inappropriate as a recruiting tool? Definitely.

But there are a large number of women who DO feel that it's offensive. And I cede to them. (Which is what Alexey's getting at.)

Nice straw man you've got there. Make it yourself?

The thing that they are referring to with the term "brogramming" is not a few guys getting together and coding for fun. Nobody is proposing that that feminism police come and kick in your door if more then 3 guys congregate in the same room with laptops and a bowl of Cheetos. So relax, you're safe. Safe enough that you can find out what they're actually upset about.