But also, it's a terrible analogy because a punch to the face is potentially lethal force but delivering a newspaper isn't. Which, obviously, matters.

Spraying someone with a hose in this situation is battery. Unless the newspaper is being launched at your person with a potato gun, you're going to have a hard time coming up with a defense against that battery charge.

Unlikely, but not worth it. Also, MUCH more importantly, wrong target. Don't go after the laborer. Go after the capitalist paying him to harass you. Go after the owner's wallet and time, not the delivery guy's clothing.