The way I look at going to therapy right now is like having an oasis possibly hidden behind a minefield -- the oasis may or may not be there, but either way, you have to go through the minefield and the wrong move will blow your leg off, or worse. In those circumstances, trying to get to where the oasis -might- be is not worth it.
I'm genuinely glad you got effective help for what you were dealing with. It sounds truly awful, and nobody should ever have to bear a burden like that.
If you're ever interested in talking more about this off HN, you can contact me through the email in my profile. And also, if you're interested in reading more about therapy going badly wrong and clients' experiences of that, I can recommend the r/therapyabuse subreddit. I find that pretty much every post there speaks to me.
I don't know you or the specifics of your situation, and I genuinely try not to make assumptions about other people. My comments were based on my personal experiences and conversations I've had with people in my personal life about therapy, and nothing was implied. The thought that passivity is what led to your own experiences never entered my mind.
To that end, I'm not responding to the other paragraphs that were focused on this misunderstanding. You experienced what you experienced. I experienced what I experienced. These things stand on their own, and the existence of one doesn't invalidate the other, nor was the point in raising my experience meant as an indictment of yours.
> The problem was that the therapists were just plain awful. They would ghost me, use therapy session time for unrelated things, were attracted to me and couldn't deal with it
This all sounds absolutely awful, and incredibly unprofessional. I'm sorry this has been your experience, and the not-so-helpful experiences I had were more about the therapist's lack of trauma experience, and some other issues of treatment style that didn't work for me.
If I had therapists like the people you're describing...yeah, I can understand why you'd feel jaded about this.
And I guess that was the point of my anecdote - there are some good therapists out there. People should know about this. But it's just as important to be aware of the failures in the field. I saw my comment as building on what you were saying, i.e. that there can be situations that don't work, so be aware of that and adjust accordingly.
> only strengthens my belief that therapy is essentially worthless (except possibly for mild and superficial issues, e.g. if things are fine in your life but you have occasional panic attacks, etc.).
In my case, Complex PTSD from physical and sexual abuse as a kid (with a cornucopia of unhelpful ultra-religious belief systems on the side). I experienced a period of suicidal ideation after years of nightmarish sleep issues. At some point it dawned on me that the only way through this was to confront my own mind. Drugs don't undo memories. Walking in nature doesn't come with education about how to stop ruminating on said abuse, or what to do when it makes an appearance every night in my sleep, etc.
If the issue is especially big, it's especially reasonable to need/get help.
And when I think about the state of mind I was in when I started seeking help, I can't imagine how my life would have gone if I had encountered the kinds of issues you describe. I'm grateful I was fortunate enough to find good care, and take seriously the fact that some people are not so fortunate.