Sounds like a smart kid. I'm not sure if the world is fucked up or we just are misinterpreting it. If I can sympathize with fucked up characters in books and movies, maybe it just means I don't know enough about those people/things that I consider evil or fucked up. There's a lot of variables at play, many hidden, creating a fundamentally stochastic reality. A friend told me a saying once, and I don't think he realized how much it would impact my life.

> The harder I work, the luckier I get.

I definitely went through an existential crisis where I found that the world was dominated by noise (with complexity being just one form). But what I found meaningful from this simple saying is that if life is composed of stochastic events, I better be ready to seize upon the opportunities when and if they emerge.

Plus, I've always enjoyed learning. Not for power or any actual gain. But the same way one finds enjoyment in solving a puzzle or playing any game. Isn't that enough? I just see that the noise and complexity I can see just indicates what level of the game I'm on. Games wouldn't be fun if they didn't get more challenging as you progressed :)

I don't know if this helps. Maybe this is that random event to seize upon or maybe it is just more noise. But that's the world I guess, and there's a certain beauty to that.