#2 Yeah, sorry, I think I made it seem like I was suggesting something about you, when in fact, I was just reminiscing about how much I didn't like that roommate. I don't know you. But I think that doing nice things for people without expecting something in return is fine regardless of your sexual inclinations. It doesn't make you a "good man" or a "good woman" it makes you a "good person". And I think that's the goal above the other 2 goals.

#1 I think I understood your original point, and I'm asking why do we think that the things that would attract a partner of a different sex than us, are necessarily different? Why are some good/bad actions necessarily gendered? I think we've been fighting a bunch of double standards that negatively impact everyone, and we're recognizing that it's good/bad behavior regardless of who it is. For example, holding the door open for someone is a fine behavior regardless of who you do it for. There's nothing inherently nicely masculine about it.