I realize you meant the above as a joke, but a configurable throttle on CreateFile would probably only be part of a Pro SKU. Ransomware is a much bigger threat in a business setting than for personal devices

But don't worry, Windows S2 has you covered! Now that you are in our walled garden, we don't limit things like that at all here; it's 110% safe and trustworthy and never ever ever gets compromised. You won't be able to install anything outside of our app store again, but who cares!