Well then, start your own? Or perhaps ask around in your online social circles to see if someone is running such an instance? Or stick around wherever you currently are (I assume that it's in line with your preferences).

The strength of federation is that every instance operator can set the rules that best suit themselves and the audience they cater to. You can leverage this ability just as much as everyone else can.

It's pretty hard to think up a better scheme than this for ensuring that everyone has the sort of space they are OK with.