Do you really need the permission of drugs to do what you want?

You already have your outcome. You know where you are. To what end do you need the drugs?

Let's say you do this trip.. and it turns out the thing blocking you from dating is that you were molested at a young age. Those memories come flooding back to you at 2am while you're sweating like a pig and vomiting repeatedly.

Is that the right outcome? Is that the outcome you want?

Worse yet, what if there is no deep seated reason why you're afraid of intimacy and dependence? What if you are just scared of it for no reason?

There is no secret enlightenment to be had. There is only you and your fear blocking the door, and the fear isn't real.