I entirely agree with your identification of the problem. Everyone thinks their desired set of features is the most reasonable set of features to want, and is confused why anyone would want anything else.

My desired features are basically yours, plus notifications. I've found the Amazfit Bip to just about fit the bill. I wish it had a bit more health tracking, but the ~month of battery life makes up for it. Watches with batteries that last a week are what confuse me; it's too regular to forget about, and too infrequent to easily remember. I could probably get used to a daily charge though.