Re:A complete guide to getting what you want
by barbarr on Sunday June 18, 2023 @06:27PM
(#36385186)
Yea, I guess I forgot to also mention that what I "actually actually" wanted was that sense of security, and I was looking in the wrong place for it. Though once that sense of security is there, it's possible to engage in and enjoy relationships in a "normal" way, rather than from the point of view of "gaining points" to try and acquire that sense of security.
The whole episode opened my eyes that I was not only doing this "points counting" in a dating context, but also in a friendship context, e.g. trying to find friends who reach out to me more than I reach out to them (in pursuit of a similar type of security), rather than just relaxing and enjoying the friendships in a natural way. I'd say things are much better now.
Like, I enjoyed my slutty single says but I LOVE father's day with my two kids and wife even more :) I don't measure the "value add" that my wife brought me in units of her desire for me or something weird like that - I look at the life I am enjoying and could not have without her.
As I said this may not be for you but a mention of this was completely absent altogether and that was odd for me.