Interestingly this is a staple of Eastern philosophy that I heard growing up. The advise was to focus on our actions but not the fruit of our actions.
Unfortunately, we’ve been conditioned by the modern society to prioritize goals over ideals and then be unhappy/frustrated/annoyed when we either don’t “get what we want” or do but feel unfulfilled because it didn’t bring us the satisfaction we sought, or it was too short-lived, and now we want “more”.
Completely agree, though my 'word' differs - I use 'system'. I didn't set out to lose 6kg of myself - I decide to walk more and I bought a bicycle, and I use it. The weight fell off me because of the system...choose a system, not a goal.
you can't fail with a system, because it's not measureable as success or fail. Only lost 5kg in three months? Fail. Eating well and exercising will get you somewhere
For example, "walking more" or "cycling more" is definitely going to help lose weight in a gradual fashion, but the reason I am walking the amount I am and not cycling at all, is because a) I find these activities boring, and b) I have many more interesting/important (to me) things to do with that time. I can't see myself engaging in an activity I dislike - cycling (or most outdoor activities) - unless I do it for a reason that's interesting/important enough to displace something else I'm already doing. Losing weight is such a reason, but that reason is also a goal.
I didn't used to love walking, until I found a reason to.
In urban areas I looked up and started noticing things. I researched buildings, and local geography.
In rural areas, I started figuring out bird calls and breeds, started understanding the trees and flora around me.
I decided to use that time to get curious. And now, I love walking.
If you think "sure, I have this rough goal of exercising more, but it sure as heck bores me", deciding to focus on the goal just means every time you fail at doing more exercise you a) are just as far away as you were before and b) are now blaming yourself for not being disciplined enough.
How about you choose some inputs that you know roughly align to that goal, but you choose inputs that you can get motivated by?
Perhaps going to the gym bores you, so fine, don't go. Perhaps your exercise is playing sport, or swimming, or walking and exploring the World around you, or perhaps it's just getting a standing desk. Just pick something and try and it, and then if it doesn't work, think about why and what to change and try something else.
> What would it take for you to find walking interesting?
Is... no longer feeling like everything is slipping away or collapsing around me; no longer being stuck treading water. It's more of a therapy problem than HN-on-exercising problem.
I never particularly cared for nature, and still don't - except at the biomolecular level, where life fuels my dream/curiosity of functional nanotech. But this is separate to enjoying a walk down the park, or a hike with friends, which I realize I don't mostly because of the internal stress about not doing something better with that time. The few moments I take the plunge or get forced into a situation where I can't do anything but enjoy the time outside, after initial anguish they become relaxing. But I can't make myself engage in such things on my own, not without having some convincing excuse for this helping to get me out of my various predicaments.
I realized this is just advice for myself, so that I'll walk more!
> Do you want to be self-employed? Or do you just need some time off from your normally-tolerable day job? Do you truly want washboard abs, or just to see an energetic, healthy person in the mirror for once?
And:
> There can also be things you think you want (a law degree; a Walden-like shack in the woods) that you mistake for what you really want (your father’s approval; a less obnoxious boss), which may be vastly easier, or vastly more difficult, to acquire.
You know what most people want? Happiness. Acceptance. To not have to deal with people who don't love or respect them, and to spend time with people who do.
Here at HN, the personality type that is most dominant is the maximiser - trying to increase productivity, income, live life a little more fuller or longer. Fine.
And yet, regularly, a thread emerges asking what it's like to ditch the progress so far and change direction. "How hard is it go give up being a Senior Java engineer and become a farmer?", is a question that will garner answers, attention and upvotes.
It's possible you've chosen a career or lifestyle or group of friends that aren't very you.
My take is don't choose goals - don't try and decide on the destination of what you want. Instead, choose processes, choose a way of living that makes you happy, and make small changes right now.
Another way of thinking about this is: don't choose outputs, choose inputs.
Choose your processes, your inputs, what happens when you wake up each day, the values you stay true to. Don't try and choose outputs and work backwards from them. Trust me, I've tried both, and the latter is miserable - you don't even get to be happy for long when you achieve a goal. The article touches on that, but I can't stress this enough:
When you achieve something that has taken you a long time to achieve, the pleasure of doing so lasts a short while. What you'll focus on when you look back is how you got there, so choose that carefully.
I'd also advise carefully considering how to measure progress. You might think you want to be rich (a goal), and think you need the lifestyle to get rich (the process), but you might actually just want financial independence - living a contented life spending less than you bring in - and they are not the same thing. You can have the latter without the former (especially as a tech worker), with a very different process to the one you'd choose to "get rich".
You might think you want to weigh X pounds or kgs, but you might actually want the things that you think are exclusive to that but maybe are not: better fitting clothes, being more physically attractive, better health. There things you can do today - different ways of being - that contribute immediately. Cut down on smoking, recreational drugs (including alcohol) and spending money on better clothes rather than takeaways means you'll be better tomorrow than you were today with just a change of direction on where you put your time, money and effort.
You might think you want to be on the front cover of Wired and touted as the next hot thing, but perhaps - like many of the people who have had that experience - what you actually needed was more people around you who like you just as you are right now.
That doesn't mean you should stop looking for personal growth and the big goals. Sure, get rich, get sexy, be likeable and get respected, do that work. I'm just saying the journey counts at least as much as the destination, and the journey can start the moment you get to the end of this sentence.