Your advice is good but there's nothing wrong with getting a professional to help you if you have the means. I've made more progress in the last two years with a good therapist than in twenty years of reading self-help books.
It's hard to overstate how much a good mentor/coach can improve your progress in almost every endeavor.
Any suggestions how to find a good coach as a SWE? I have 8 YoE and was most recently a staff engineer at a small-ish startup, and the perspective that job gave me has kindled some thoughts about taking my career to the next level, but I feel like I need a little bit of guidance.
To find them a combination of: - Using search engines for "life coach" or "business coach" in your area
- Find people that you respect in your industry, reach out to them over twitter/linkedin/email/whatever, clearly stating you're looking for a coach, and if there is anyone they recommend.
After you find a few, I suggest just trying them out. Book some sessions and see how it goes. I use these criteria:
- Has worked with engineers in the past.
- Is able to clearly articulate boundaries and approach in the first session
- Willingness to test and measure. Understanding and appreciating the lean startup approach essentially.
- Is solution and goal oriented. Spending weeks/months talking about the problem without attempting solutions is a waste of everybodys time.
- With you can quickly develop a shared understanding of what success looks like.
- Can build a rapport with you, and you can build the trust required for total honesty.
I picked up this book around the same time I started seeing a therapist for what I now understand was complex childhood trauma, and I couldn’t manage the content at the time. I dislike the term “triggered” to describe my experience, but the book was too much to handle until I had some more skills under my belt.
Coming back to it later was an enlightening experience.
By all means start reading this book. If you hit a wall, that’s an important signal and I’d consider seeing a therapist.
YMMV, etc.
I agree, you don't have to pay for my program $75-$150 to overcome Anxiety. You can totally do that with a Therapist or by yourself, which in my case was a combination of both, but also I went through some anxiety programs that gave me information that the Therapist didn't gave me at the time even when working with multiple ones.
I also believe I gave enough tools and practical tips in this article that someone can try and apply in their daily without paying me anything as I am happy to share with them for Free as long as it helps even 1 person. I also was doing that with my podcast while not charging anything. But, I can see your point of view tho!
Say no to more things. Spend more time on finding out more about yourself. Start to understand your emotions around the constant trauma you're living through and have lived through.
You don't need to pay somebody $150 for this advice. Go pick up any well known book on stress, trauma, etc and it'll start to make sense.
Here's some to start:
- The Stress of Life
- The Body Keeps the Score
- When The Body Says No / The Myth of Normal
- The Drama of the Gifted Child
- The Courage to Be
- Awakening the Soul
You can also read ancient mythology, philosophy, or religious texts which will repeat familiar stories that help you ponder a deeper sense of purpose. There's many ways to get closer to your soul.