I relate hard to your last point. It's something I have repeatedly worried about now and again for the last 15 years. I'll be getting married and my side of the aisle will just be tumbleweeds.

I am curious what you do for a living, why, and what would you rather do (or not do). Ignoring social factors, is there anything you would like to change?

I'm not them but I work in tech, its lucrative

Its not social anxiety for me, its asociality. It turns out the reason could be genetic. I talked to my mom recently, she said she came from a "line of sociopaths". I think she's exaggerating but I got the idea. Her father had multiple wives, and at least 3 male offspring still alive sound like me. My closest cousin has no friends and lives as a hikkikomori in his mid-30s. My mom's brother is extremely awkward and it took him a decade of concentrated effort just to be able to exist in a social crowd, and he still has no long-term friends. So much of my life made sense hearing that, and today I almost feel righteous in avoiding contact with others

I concluded that I really really really don't have much to add to any arbitrary meeting group, I've been in a lot of bad meetup.com meetings with people just like me that are lonely and awkward yet expect something to happen or work out, and it never does. And then there are groups that should work out, full of older persons with lots of social experience that treat me like a long lost friend...and yet it doesn't feel real to me. Like I can't stay engaged. Like it's artificial, constructed. Like there's no reason to talk to these people when the activity ends. And I keep thinking that's fine, to be left totally alone. I don't care either way. Everyone else screams at me "that's not okay, youre going to die early from isolation." So its like I have to eventually push myself into these situations I don't want to be in or I'm hurting myself. It sucks the joy out of it all every time, when its between remaining myself and supposedly dying miserably or forcing myself into situations I don't want to be in

Nearly outing related to a hobby I thought I liked...made me enjoy that hobby less afterwards, even alone. It's like seeing myself in a mirror. I questioned who I was outside of my work, never found a satisfactory answer, and just didn't want to keep going in the end.

For now I have accepted that the reason I keep getting roiled up about people talking about having trouble making friends is because we had to make friends or form communities to survive as a species. It's the human condition. My mind is wired to care at some level even if there's a veneer I can't scrape off. And infall outside the grain. But I don't see anything wrong with it. Hell, in another life if I cared about going out more I could have been an actual socialpath singularly focused on getting what I wanted out of people, and had I been any more charismatic in this life I sincerely believe that might just have come true

I found one of the best parts of travelling to a country where I don't speak the language is that I can keep to myself without feeling obligated to bother anyone. It's a liberating feeling when I've been continually shunned or ostracized for not fitting in at X or Y social club, exactly like I expected from the start. Its also why when I learn a language (Japanese) it's like an "emotional blunting" to consume media in that language even though I understand the meaning of the words/sentences perfectly. It puts distance between me and people who speak my native tongue. I don't get emotionally attached like if I read the same story in English, because I have no real connection to Japanese besides side interest.I can live within these texts that all others around me can't understand. And at times it feels like a metaphor for my life

Maybe stop navel-gazing and use your money to go somewhere like Japan and get a girl (assuming you're male) knocked up or something so you don't have so much free time to mope about you not having a same-sex comfort blanket.

I think the language/japan thing shows that it's stuff created in your head in isolation that is holding you back. And only a different view of things (forced on you through using another language) is what you need.

Keep it up with the languages though, always time well spent.

This is cliche and is much easier said than done, but try to ditch the low opinion of yourself, stop the analysis and negativity about how much value you would bring. And try to stop worrying too much about what other people think. Don't set out trying to find friends, set out finding something enjoyable or worthwhile to do that involve other people.

Find some hobbies or get interested in something, and join a social group related to it. Or join a volunteer group or two.

same boat here, actually worse

if it's of any consolation, you probably won't find anyone to marry if you have no friends...

May I suggest joining some sort of sports activity where you can meet and train with others? For example, an amateur running team or cycling. Search for a mixed group - not an elite team full of testosterone loaded men.

That had helped me improve self confidence (and I'm _terrible_ at sports), find friends and ultimately find my wife.

People doing sports are typically in good mood and the activity naturally gives one something to talk about.