Might I supply an alternative island definition that would help clear things up? Any landmass surrounded by water where you can acquire a Mai tai is an island - while any landmass surrounded by water where you are unable to acquire a Mai tai is an islet. More seriously - this is like the pluto debate all over again and it seems mostly fueled by negative perceptions of being and not being a thing. Can't we just settle on all distinct land-masses being islands and some islands just being stupidly large? I don't get what we stand to gain by excluding either three or four land masses from the island definition. So long as we're excluding man made canals from the definition we only have Afro-eurasia, the Americas, Antartica and possibly Australia as non-island landmasses - making an exception in a group of thousands? millions? of water surrounded land-masses to not be islands feels exceptionally useless.

I humbly propose we open the consumption of Mai tais to everyone on earth without discrimination. If you object I welcome you to come to a conference I'm arranging on the island of Jylland.