I'm in the same boat as you and laund here. I don't follow the "inside sports" aspects of C++ or Rust, but I am interested in different languages and how they develop. So the name on the blog means nothing to me. This post just looked like yet another poor defense of C++ to me. I've seen this kind of thing plenty of times of the years but by people arguing in (mostly) good faith. Even the "good programmers don't make memory errors" thing has been argued by plenty of C++ acolytes on the net.
Satire is dead.
The arguments you were trying to make in a satirical way have basically already been accepted by everyone (except the small slice of people who will never be convinced by them), so the satire just doesn't make sense. Part of the humor of satire is that you are laughing at the fact that some people on the other side of the argument might agree with it.