If you want to not be a jerk (and I, like you, don't want to be one) you have to accept that it is going to cost you in terms of social success, wealth and so on. This doesn't mean you can't be a success (in those terms) without being a jerk, but you can't be as much of a success, and that you will be outpaced, on average, by people of similar ability who are willing to be a jerk.

Accept this, and yet still choose to not be a jerk. You can do it. I believe in you.

(Unfortunately this is exactly the advice a jerk would give you: one less jerk to compete with...)