To be completely open, I wouldn't even be opposed to bailing all the depositors out if strict conditions are placed that disincentivize playing with house money

I haven't come up with a way to do this [1], nor has anyone else. So, we're back at square one: I can't bail you out with out encouraging destabilizing destructive behavior.

[1] well I have, but public executions for economic crimes are unconstitutional.