You're putting it off because deep down your subconscious still knows that you are important and have innate value. When things are dark it's easy to forget it but the world needs you, people you know need you and love you. I suspect it's a trick of the mind that hides that from us temporarily.

Anything you do will help and it will get better. Take each day as it comes and note every small win.

Try, fail, try again, fail again but better.

What you are feeling will slowly pass and fade as unlikely as that may sound.

Like a cut healing, one day you just notice that you can remember good things again. Then you wonder why you ever felt that way and you'll be able to keep an eye out in case it ever happens again.

My own sleep problems are caused by allergies, I think. Nasal inflammation stops me sleeping but I also suspect it plays a direct role in depression.

Little things that have helped me:

  * Regularly vacuuming bedding.
  * Boil washing bedding to kill off any dust mites.
  * Vacuuming the house in general.
  * Getting more exercise, even just going for a walk every day is good.  Being outside also helps boost vitamin D.
  * Cleaning teeth properly including flossing.  That's to help with gum inflammation which helps with inflammation in general.
  * Drinking more water.  I like keeping a bottle of cold water in the fridge.  I read somewhere that dehydration was bad for inflammation.

Oh and don't forget that you can talk to people confidentially when you need to:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/suicide/suicide-pr...