Almost buried the lede:
>After attempting to remove the delicious burrito from the system, we discovered that the only way to save the server was to layoff 15% of our staff. Though heartbreaking, this was the only way to prevent a complete system failure.
>It has unfortunately come to my attention that a 15% reduction in our workforce is necessary. As your CEO, I take full accountability for this difficult decision. In a recent board meeting, I was discussing a new product launch with a hardworking Mexican engineer. As I was proposing some ideas, much to my surprise a small burrito he was eating abruptly slipped from his hand and fell directly into the server, causing a complete system overload.