Stopping the words won't stop hate but it can deescalate things and help communication take place. When someone calls me a t-word they're labeling me as an "other" and dehumanizing me. They're also increasing the tension between us to where the chances of us having any sort of understanding or friendship decreases significantly.

It's not theoretical for me. My FIL doesn't know I'm trans and he loves Fox News and called some person getting covered by Fox a t-word in a really hateful way about two years ago and it's made me feel less comfortable around him. He could have just said "I don't know about this trans stuff" which I get totally but by jumping to a slur he put a barrier up. I've begged my husband to "out" me to his family at some point and now I don't even bother because I can't get the stuff he said about people like me in front of me out of my mind. He's my FIL so I have to maintain a relationship with him but I don't go out of my way to more than the minimum. I just hang out with my MIL and focus on that relationship instead.

It would be the same with a stranger. If you call me a slur or use the slur around me without knowing that I AM ONE OF THOSE "SLUR WORDS" it would prevent me from being able to form a relationship with you on equal footing and would make me want to hide who I am from you which just amplifies the level of misunderstanding in the world.

Some people might say it's my fault because I take slurs personally but... I'm just human here. I don't wanna spend my life placating people who use slurs to describe me.