Re:I want to lose every debate
by jstarfish on Tuesday January 31, 2023 @01:36PM
(#34599596)
I have your aunt's problem. Speculations like oppositional-defiance disorder and Narcissism have been thrown at me as possible explanations.
I'd argue (heh) that what this behavior boils down to is: I'm restating what you're saying, only in terms I can understand, which makes me come across as argumentative. You're "wrong" only in that what you're saying doesn't compute with me-- I'm really shouting down my own lack of comprehension, which presents as me arguing with you (if that makes any sense). Her response "Well you must not have understood me" is classic me, but in reality that's textbook projection so I end up backing myself into a corner I then try to argue my way out of!
Even knowing I do this, I can't ever catch myself doing it early enough to stop it; dopamine rush from outrage trumps my ability to dial it back. So I just avoid in-person debates altogether. I'm not aiming to offend anybody and can express my position more clearly in written form.
I have the same issue with understanding code other people write. I don't "get" larger architectures unless I wrote the entire stack myself (again, re-expressing the same concept by reinventing it). Once I realized this I pivoted away from software development; nobody has time or need for another TempleOS.
Unfortunately this behavior is commonly found on the #mentalhealthawareness Narcissistic personality disorder checklists so everyone calls it out as malicious. I suspect autism though, since (for me) this always stems from information-processing difficulties. Make of it what you will.
I'd argue (heh) that what this behavior boils down to is: I'm restating what you're saying, only in terms I can understand, which makes me come across as argumentative. You're "wrong" only in that what you're saying doesn't compute with me-- I'm really shouting down my own lack of comprehension, which presents as me arguing with you (if that makes any sense). Her response "Well you must not have understood me" is classic me, but in reality that's textbook projection so I end up backing myself into a corner I then try to argue my way out of!
Even knowing I do this, I can't ever catch myself doing it early enough to stop it; dopamine rush from outrage trumps my ability to dial it back. So I just avoid in-person debates altogether. I'm not aiming to offend anybody and can express my position more clearly in written form.
I have the same issue with understanding code other people write. I don't "get" larger architectures unless I wrote the entire stack myself (again, re-expressing the same concept by reinventing it). Once I realized this I pivoted away from software development; nobody has time or need for another TempleOS.
Unfortunately this behavior is commonly found on the #mentalhealthawareness Narcissistic personality disorder checklists so everyone calls it out as malicious. I suspect autism though, since (for me) this always stems from information-processing difficulties. Make of it what you will.