Good luck to you both. Life is hard especially when we aren’t what we thought we were and reality was different than we thought. Shifting frame and changing what life as we experience it from then on is scary. When it strikes to the heart of our self image and ego it’s beyond scary, it’s terrifying. Congratulations. I found a way to build self awareness is vipassana meditation. The entire focus of the practice is learning how to be aware of your thinking mind without being reactive to its direction and recognizing your senate mind as an equal, but both subservient to your base awareness which is the actual you. You might find the NPD part of yourself lives in the thinking / striving mind and by holding it in awareness it loses its power. This has worked for me.