This is exactly what happened to me. I have more borderline traits than straight up narcissism, but they share in common that incredibly self-centered personality core and need for external validation. Kind of like two ways of expressing the same gene.

I was treated for a long time like I had anxiety and depression in therapy. But therapy just allowed me to go on and on about my problems and got a lot of tips and tricks about my mood, but they were all just papering over the core issue which is that I trap myself in situations I don’t like and then feel like I can’t leave because then I’d be all alone.

Through a fluke I ended up changing therapists to someone who got their thesis studying narcissism. She was the first person pretty much in my whole life who would cut through my b.s. and tactfully push back. Suggesting there might be more colors to situations than my distorted vision would let me see.

Now when I see someone else with unchecked narcissism it really bothers me because I know what kind of hell they must experience internally. It still hurts, but I’d like to think I’m starting to be more self aware.

Exactly this. I now think that my first therapist had experience with NPD and was treating it without me realizing that. But then I felt the progress was too slow so changed the therapist to someone who I now think did more damage than good. During this time is also when I had my collapse. Due to fortunate circumstances I’m now finally going to a therapist who is extremely experienced with NPD and does not let me fool her or myself. So to your point, yes it’s very tricky, and @zwkrt comment above is very accurate.