As a dad of three who made serious career sacrifices in order to raise my kids... you are spot on, and I've concluded that the best scenario is when both partners have some life outside the home, whether it is career, volunteerism, etc, and both partners have equal responsibilities inside the home (kids, cooking, cleaning, bill paying, whatever). The roles may be different and at times we might each be carrying more of the load for the other, but over the span of time anger and resentment grow if there isn't balance. I make the point about activities outside the home because when one person is the stay-at-home person, it can become very isolating and become a serious mental health issue. That person needs a social outlet, a part-time job, something, whether they realize it or not.

You bounce back and forth between a maximalist, fundamentalist position on this topic and one that's more moderate and common sense.

> and both partners have equal responsibilities inside the home (kids, cooking, cleaning, bill paying, whatever)

So each task has to be split completely equally between each partner, to the hour? To the minute?

Can one spouse have a full time 40 hour / week job and the other a part time 20 hour / week job?

What about a high paying high stress 60 hour / week job and a 40 hour / week job?

Are you going to dictate the morally acceptable parameters of everyones relationship?

> That person needs a social outlet, a part-time job, something, whether they realize it or not.

This is a much less extreme position and I think hard to disagree with. I think the mythical era of the Homemaking Wife and Mother of the 1950s, the wives staying at home still had a lot of social outlets and interactions with people than they do today. Which speaks to the endemic isolation of our current culture.