Yet every one of these “ancient” languages allows you to have human-readable common expressions, functions, sorts of classes, identifier scoping, heavy code reuse, flow parametrization, higher order operations (even C with some effort), libraries, frameworks, package management, interoperability, to name a few.

SQL is really good at its in-place one-time this-specific-case relational querying.

Things SQL is not even mediocre at: programming.