I know lots of liberal elites, and don't know any who are actually against two parent households, kids after marriage, following the law, being drug-free, going to college for a career, etc
This is a ridiculous assertion.
But I know many of these same people who believe in not judging those who do not follow all of these ideals, and want systems in place that support, say, single mothers or whatever.
This is very different.
And yes, as these people age/mature it usually morphs more into - we should be much more supportive with systems in place to help single mothers, etc.
Unfortunately there's limits to what the state can do to replace family, and there are good reasons to encourage people to not fall for the same pitfalls that trap them into cycles of poverty, no matter how much the state does to make that poverty less painful.
Basically the concept you may notice if you are in HCOL blue urban elite circles..
Well to do left of center people who espouse discouragement of / being against many traditional concepts (monogamy, two parent households, kids after marriage, strict discipline, follow the law, being drug-free, going to college for a career, etc) .. but largely actually follow it and is how they / their parents got where they are.
And either way they have the means to not be effected by the negative effects of this non-traditionalism.
However if you are middle/lower class and follow the same non-traditional path, the personal costs to you & your offspring of frequent drug use, being a single parent, etc are almost insurmountable and are some of the leading causes of generational poverty.
That is - it is easy to say "hard work doesn't pay off, do drugs, break the law, and free love" when you are going from an elite (fully paid for by parents) university campus to start your career & live in NYC/SF/LA/Boston (with college & parents helping you with job connections, and parents helping underwrite your housing until you get on your feet). For them the worst cost of failure is moving back with mom&dad to their comfortable leafy suburb.