Just a heads up, I saw an article the other day talking about how new research might show that depression might not actually have deep links with chemical equilibria:
https://thenextweb.com/news/research-depression-not-caused-c...
It turned a mild bout of depression and long standing un-medicated adhd on it's head to the point that I feel like telling anyone who is looking for a "strategy" to first make sure their biology is in order. It helps loads. In any case, if someone knows how sound the science around MTHFR is I'd love to be wrong on the internet and hear about it (about 1 in 5 is the rate I was quoted for abnormalities with that methylation cycle).
Maybe what I was originally pushing back against was what I thought was the expression of certainty over specific chemicals causing depression, when I think there's a lot more we don't understand about the chemicals and even depression itself than we may admit, including any causal links.
My main point in both the statements you quote is that "choosing to own it" is too hard or difficult for some people and, in practice, not an option although it is in theory. And perhaps it can become a realistic option with enough psychosocial support or psychotherapeuric treatment. It is not about wanting enough or being stupid, see e.g. borderline personality organization (not the disorder);
> Healthy people might have trouble visualizing what it is like to live with this "borderline" level of personality organization. Healthy people understand that who they are is not determined by a particular action, in a particular moment in time. They know that if they behave poorly one minute, this one bad behavior, in this one moment of time, does not define who they are. They are still able to recall all the wonderful things they have done in the past, and plan to do in the future. People with a fragmented sense of self are not so fortunate. If they just did something "bad," they literally become a bad person (i.e., they start representing themselves as an entirely bad person with no redeeming qualities). When this occurs, they can no longer access any of their good qualities. This is a terribly painful state to endure. (https://www.mentalhelp.net/personality-disorders/three-level...)
In general, we should be careful to tell others to just choose differently (I am not accusing you of this) as it may often be rephrased as just be someone else - which is possible in some regards, difficult in others, and impossible in many cases
It's fundamentally a conscious choice - unlike depression, which has deep links with chemical equilibria.
> how unevenly shame is distributed; some people seem like they simply don't get it whereas others are drowning in it
Shame is essentially a social concept. A child raised by wolves would have no concept of what shame is (at least not human shame). It's clearly the case that early socialization with parents and peers is what shapes one's perceptions of the subject.