really? so, when did you read about this: http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/132405488.html
a mom and kids gets caught in the crossfire. this was an accident, and how much news coverage does it get? had you heard about this story before?
the war is outside your house right now and you don't even know, because the casualties are almost universally poor people (okay maybe not outside your house because you might not be in the USA)...
I think maybe in the US the cartels have reached some equilibrium that allows them to operate without so much violence and be discrete enough that they don't get bothered so much by the police.