You'll have to forgive me that my thoughts are a little muddled on the whole issue right now. My core point is that one aspect of the situation feels quite appropriate to discuss here, while the other more intimate (and central) one does not. The outcome, assuming most other people also feel that way, is that the discussion here is not representative of the grief experienced when a close relative passes away, and shouldn't be taken as any kind of indication about people here 'all being assholes'. And that this is expected and fine.