Re:Ask HN: Do you have much friends in real life? How do you...
by brudgers on Saturday May 14, 2022 @12:40PM
(#31379697)
One day well into my 50's, I realized being a friend is what matters.
It's the only thing I have control of.
My working definition is "what would I do if I was a friend?"
Then I consider doing that.
Being a friend is valuing people as friends.
That means making them feel valued.
It means putting up with their human failings.
The point is putting in the effort.
---
Part of this is that my 189 Facebook friends are friends.
Those relationships of course are across a spectrum of intimacy and fondness. Some are people who I like to hang out with. Some are people that I never will outside a funeral or high school reunion.
Approximately, they are people above the happy-birthday and sad-your-dog-died thresholds. Though, yes, there are people whose online behaviors are unacceptable and that's why it's only 189 friends.
It's the only thing I have control of.
My working definition is "what would I do if I was a friend?"
Then I consider doing that.
Being a friend is valuing people as friends.
That means making them feel valued.
It means putting up with their human failings.
The point is putting in the effort.
---
Part of this is that my 189 Facebook friends are friends.
Those relationships of course are across a spectrum of intimacy and fondness. Some are people who I like to hang out with. Some are people that I never will outside a funeral or high school reunion.
Approximately, they are people above the happy-birthday and sad-your-dog-died thresholds. Though, yes, there are people whose online behaviors are unacceptable and that's why it's only 189 friends.
Good luck.