- Growing up, it took me longer than the average to pick up social rules and customs "by mere contact". As a result I didn't make any friends at all during school, and only 3 at highschool. I only started "growing out of it" when I reached University. I still struggle with some social norms. I am a bit of a people pleaser, and I avoid conflict too much.
- Keeping in touch with those few friends and even my own family is something I struggle with a lot - "Out of sight, out of mind" is more literal. I have to "plan" keeping in contact with people, including my mum.
- I have "Time blindness". Time has an immaterial quality for everyone, but in my case it is quite literal. I was often late, and never can tell how much time things take. I need to use a physical object, like an agenda, to transform daily planning into "a puzzle", something I can "solve" with spatial skills. I must have my agenda open in front of me all the time.
A system discussed a few weeks ago:
* https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30329475
Doing a search for "personal CRM" also brings up a number of results.
Everything else is the same as me. I have unconsciously learned to use anxiety to be on time. Any time I have something major planned the next day, I can't sleep. I am anxious all day until the moment comes, and then I ease up.
The inattentive aspect, which is the one I predominantly have, seems to have "missing social cues" on its list of symptoms.
There's also the indirect problem of children avoiding ADHD children and them getting less social practice as a result.
This might be relevant https://www.foothillsacademy.org/community/articles/adhd-soc...
The way I things I usually end up binging through the entire book (or series) over several days. If, however, my reading spree is interrupted for whatever reason, I can just forget about what I was reading to the point where I return to it a year or two later to realize that I don't remember anything about it and have to restart.
The same effect tends to happen with any other project or habit I have. Painstakingly form a swimming habit and stick to it religiously for half a year? Doable, though extremely vexing. Then skip swimming for a week for some reason and the routine is just gone. I've had the opposite happen too though, where I just started doing workouts one day and consistently stuck to it for over 2 months with 0 effort (by which I mean I didn't have to struggle with choosing to do it. The actual physical exercise itself is a minor hurdle in comparison). Unfortunately, this habit also evaporated at some point.
This is the exact thing I said that had my therapist wonder whether I have ADHD.
I am a brilliant software engineer, my employers have always been pleased with my performance, yet my hard disk is full of hundreds of great ideas I have started and never finished. I have never in my life been able to stay on the same idea for more than 3 coding session. The last side project I worked on that I am proud of has been written 19 years ago, as a teenager, while pumped full of alcohol, cigarettes and weed.
I have started medication, and I am slowly starting to pick up the pieces, writing some code in my spare time (I just finished writing my first Emacs config) but unlearning that I am a failure at motivation will not be easy.
- imagine watching tv at a bar where everyone had a remote control. That’s the attention model in my head, i can start to form ideas and concepts then suddenly realize I’m thinking about something else
- add 3-4 more tvs. That’s the distraction model, external stimuli drag my attention
- the ‘hyperfocus’ you hear about would be similar to the bar handing you a pair of noise canceling headphones and dedicating the tv directly in front of you to binging on an amazing new series. It’s not just focus as much as it’s a temporary obsession.
Some ways it seems to manifest in my life:
- i never ever ever finish a discretionary project, 80% at best. i completely lose interest and have zero drive. Projects for work require me to procrastinate to the point where my attention is fueled by adrenaline.
- i can’t read anything that requires more than one sitting. I’ll read for three hours but the next time i have an opportunity to read i find i have no interest
- i constantly lose shit
- i constantly pack more and more activity into the period before i need to get ready for something, causing me to always be lateish and running in the airport
- i think of great gifts for people but always end up last-minute scrambling for garbage
- i can be a bit of an airhead at times
- at work I’m a generalist. I’ve been at this a long time but i don’t know anyone in my personal sphere that knows a bit about more domains than i do. On the other hand there isn’t a single domain that i don’t know someone that knows more than i do.
The first time i had a ‘quiet mind’ was probably a week after i was prescribed Adderall. It was like a flashing cursor in my head and I became so overpowered with emotion that i just started crying. Like those videos where someone with color blindness tries on those glasses. It was incredible.