It may or may not have been an option. If you never try it definitely wasn't an option.

I have never worked at a FAANG myself, so this might not be something that works in those places. But what I do is to simply put "Out of Office" on my calendar outside of my core working hours. I don't even have to decline. I can honestly say that it was automated and I never even saw their invite. If someone complained about it I would tell them that I can definitely make exceptions, just need to check w/ the SO as she might have a meeting she can't move and we have the kids to take care of. I also don't react well to invites over night. I have my calendar in my head well enough to know when to wake up/be home etc. for the first meeting. So something you put on my calendar "in between" will in most if not all cases not even be seen. I do not have notifications enabled on my cell. This has so far worked without fail and only a few people have ever asked me for a specific slot and moving something. Basically the OoO reply get them to rethink and at the very least they know they gotta talk to me first and can't just plug something on my calendar and I will show up.

That said, any regular meeting someone puts on my calendar in a free slot with enough notice I will simply accept, be there and do my best to contribute. Meetings someone puts in 5 minutes before (or worse, yes this has happened during the meeting) and then ping me "are you coming" will result in a very stubborn me. Yes I would quit over someone throwing a fit for my stubbornness. No it has never been necessary. They all backpaddled.

That no office communication on personal phone has worked wonders for me as well. And my personal numbers is for emergencies only.

Not turning up last minute meetings have also worked well. I mean I was shocked but people actually need to be told you’re not available at one ping and then they mend their ways. Start saying yes, it gets worse.

Back in the 90s, my father had a method of pre-vacation scheduling. He announced to all his colleagues that X day before he left was the last day he was accepting new work to finish before leaving.

Inevitably, someone would come by the day before he left, and ask him if he could do one more critical thing.

He reminded them what he said, explained he was finishing work others had asked of him, and didn't have the time for their work before he left, but he'd be happy to look at it when he got back.

Next vacation announcement, that person made their requests earlier.

Scheduling has its own cultural mores and Overton window, and there's no "right." If you're unhappy with its current coverage: push it in the direction you want. People will adjust.

You can say "No" nicely and without being an asshole.

Yep, just set boundaries. If your boundaries become a problem for someone higher up, they will raise it with you. Don't ask, just do.

Too many people assume they need to take meetings whenever and they'll put up with it quietly for years, never feeling confident enough to just assert themselves or set working hours in Google Calendar.

I completely agree with and get what you’re saying. It does feel like that. And if you think you won’t be getting another job you’d feel that way strongly.

But it takes just once. At the new starup I am working I simply pressed “Decline” for “all events” that were out of my timezone except the ones that happen 3-4 times a month total.

Blocked my calendar after 6pm with an automated message clearly mentioning that it was night for me and ask the person to reach out about it and that if it’s a recurring meeting I simply won’t be able to attend.

It’s been 6 months since and it has worked fine. Some other people started doing it in my country after that. Also US colleagues now ask us, earlier they assumed we will just be there.

And yes, I was ready to resign if someone even someone above me in hierarchy even so much as questioned the autonomy of my personal time that’s other than those 8 hours on weekday.

It’s not like I have too much financial cushion, I don’t. But I realised it’s not worth it and when you start saying yes to it, it keeps increasing, keeps piling up. Never stops, never comes down. Saying no sooner is better than saying no late.

Just like dictators and autocrats such companies feed on our fears. The moment we lose them they either run into the ground or they fall in line.

> Blocked my calendar after 6pm with an automated message clearly mentioning that it was night for me and ask the person to reach out about it and that if it’s a recurring meeting I simply won’t be able to attend.

> It’s been 6 months since and it has worked fine. Some other people started doing it in my country after that. Also US colleagues now ask us, earlier they assumed we will just be there.

I work remotely, and did something similar while I was in Europe for a month. Worked a mostly overlapping schedule (so I could take advantage of the morning / early afternoons), and then blocked off the late evening on my calendar. Never really was a problem, and helped ensure everyone was on the same page.

What does “look bad” mean exactly?

Never promoted? Fired?

It just means “fear and inertia”, mostly unfounded and even if not simply not worth it. It’s just that.

Suffered from it long. Then one day I did the opposite and never looked back.

Mostly the former, it's pretty hard to get fired at Apple. Still, if the managers don't like me they won't give me fun work, since my team was big on "you don't get to do satisfying work until you prove yourself with unsatisfying stuff".

Ugh, that sucks :(