> The conversation in question was "heated" and I certainly pushed hard, but it certainly wasn't anything out of line with what I grew up with.
I similarly used to think that having "heated" conversations with raised voices was normal and fine, and just a sign of caring deeply about something. But the more I have worked with different kinds of people, I have realized that it's just straight up unproductive. If you're getting emotional about work, you need to take a step back, and it's not fair to inflict your negative emotions on your colleagues.
I'm glad that the industry puts pressure on people to be less like this. It has made me a better teammate.
Those moments are tough to navigate, because sometimes half the room perceives the mood as "people have strong opinions about this and want to be heard" which is really great but there are also one or two people in the room who are absolutely terrified that a fight is going to break out. In those circumstances I try to find an excuse to break in at the prevailing volume and then, a little more softly, invite an opinion from one of the quieter people at the table. I think that helps the quieter people understand that the noise isn't a crisis and isn't meant to exclude them, and helps the louder people understand that they might not be getting the benefit of everyone's input when voices get raised.
I was turned down for a few key job transfers into a prestigious corporate research department because the gatekeeper said I had "yelled" at somebody before. The conversation in question was "heated" and I certainly pushed hard, but it certainly wasn't anything out of line with what I grew up with. However, I've reprogrammed my entire way of interacting since coming to California, as I found that a surprisingly large number of people will just shut you out otherwise.