Re:How relationship satisfaction changes across your lifetime
by brimble on Monday February 21, 2022 @02:26PM
(#30419591)
Easier said than done, but I think the key is learning to (selectively!) not give a shit. It's crudely put, but is the gist of what a lot of self-help stuff is, including fancy-pants stuff like Stoicism.
The blocks are purely in your head. Bad interview? It'll be forgotten by everyone but you in a week or two, if even that long, unless we're talking something outlandishly catastrophic ("... and then his tie caught on fire!"). Awkward when talking to a stranger? They'll forget you existed by the morning.
One helpful exercise can be to think through the actual harm—not how you'll feel about it, but all external-to-you harm—from a worst-likely-case scenario. Interview when you already have a job? The harm approaches zero. Talking to a stranger? Ditto. The harm of those is almost entirely something you do to yourself.
One simple way to practice social skills is to play little games when things are extremely low-stakes. Like, "today I'm going to compliment a stranger on something", or (a tad more advanced) "today I'm going to find out what a stranger's favorite sports team is", or whatever. Really little efforts are all it (usually) takes to reduce social anxiety quite a bit, it's just that lots of people never even try that much.
As for interviews specifically, the usual advice is "do practice interviews until no longer anxious".
The blocks are purely in your head. Bad interview? It'll be forgotten by everyone but you in a week or two, if even that long, unless we're talking something outlandishly catastrophic ("... and then his tie caught on fire!"). Awkward when talking to a stranger? They'll forget you existed by the morning.
One helpful exercise can be to think through the actual harm—not how you'll feel about it, but all external-to-you harm—from a worst-likely-case scenario. Interview when you already have a job? The harm approaches zero. Talking to a stranger? Ditto. The harm of those is almost entirely something you do to yourself.
One simple way to practice social skills is to play little games when things are extremely low-stakes. Like, "today I'm going to compliment a stranger on something", or (a tad more advanced) "today I'm going to find out what a stranger's favorite sports team is", or whatever. Really little efforts are all it (usually) takes to reduce social anxiety quite a bit, it's just that lots of people never even try that much.
As for interviews specifically, the usual advice is "do practice interviews until no longer anxious".