We're probably not going to see eye to eye on this. Honestly it sounds like you've been on the receiving end of this, and I can imagine that being a very frustrating experience so I do sympathise if that is the case. But really the world you're painting is one where you have to walk on eggshells in every conversation because a mob is waiting to pounce if you used the word "retard" as a verb or called someone "Miss" instead of "Ms" or something like that. Perhaps that might happen in the most overly-earnest, try-hard, super-woke group where everyone uses custom, ever-changing neopronouns and you're expected to remember and use every one of them. But I think those sort of people are busy enough with their own internal squabbles to be going out bothering HNers.