It's not about loving company.

I'm traumatized from childhood abuse (but not sexual abuse), and knowing how many people are neglected/abused by their caregivers lets me know that:

a.) There is nothing about me that caused the situation. Since I'm a very strange human, that's good to know: They weren't abusing me because I was too hard to parent or because I didn't act like a normal child.

b.) "This too shall pass." Trauma has impacts on my life, but, with the example of others, I can move on and make decisions that help address the damage.

I think "misery loves company" is distinct. One of the many harms of sexual abuse is shame. Not coincidentally, shame is a tool of abusers and authoritarian power structures that protect abusers. For victims of abuse, knowing that they're not alone is a path out of shame and self-blame. It can help them put blame in the correct spot: not on what they wore or how they acted, but on the abusers and the abusers' support systems.

"Misery loves company" is the antithesis of The Golden Rule, a formulation of which is "do not believe that it is so that you will find happiness in the misery of others," (I believe Seneca may have said this, but can't find the citation). I believe it is not the sadist notion, "misery loves company," that eases victims' pain, but instead "being in good company." I think "misery loves company" is a cynical twist of "being in good company," which is similar to left-handers learning of famous left-handers, or a depressive learning that Lincoln suffered from depression, reducing or eliminating feeling alone or isolated and disconneted.

The Dutch equivalent of "misery loves company" is "gedeelde smart is halve smart", which roughly translates to "a burden shared is a burden halved". I've never before interpreted that phrase in any other way than an acknowledgement that personal problems are easier to bear if you have someone to confide in. I certainly wouldn't interpret it as a cynical comment on codependency.

But maybe I've always misinterpreted the English phrase. Is there a different English saying that's closer to the Dutch meaning?

Maybe "many hands make light labor?" Though that one seems more specific/literal than the Dutch version.

The phrase "misery loves company" makes me think of this Calvin and Hobbes strip, so I guess it has cynical connotations for me:

https://mobile.twitter.com/Calvinn_Hobbes/status/12171067859...

Though I wouldn't apply this phrase to the situation of victims feeling comforted by the knowledge that they're not the only ones.

That is not at all the point.

It helps to know that you are not the only one who has suffered injustice.