I can understand how what I personally find engaging can be banal and unnecessary to others, but with this case I can't think of anything that would serve as a more fitting opening metaphor for the entire essay. The chunky wine opener that serves its intended purpose and was a gift, but lays taking up an incongruent amount of space for its intended use invites some observation on all the other unused-but-still-owned stuff that we're forced to either continue possessing or send along to the trash.

I guess some (not implying you) might consider the observations somewhat shallow, and maybe they would find the solution to be "simple". Just throw more stuff out.