I tried Lexapro 6 years ago when I first attempted to work on this issue. I was prescribed some minimum dosage(I forget what). I will never forget the first day. I didn't feel happy or sad or even anxious. It was as if every emotion was stripped out of my head and instead it was replaced with perfect neutrality. Nothing mattered int he world anymore. I had no thoughts or opinions, just complete neutrality of thoughts and emotions. This also became my most productive week in years. The thought process was literally "Ok I have this task to do, let me do this task, I am done with this task, ok lets do the next task. Repeat until there are no more tasks." No breaks, no distractions were noticed while the task is being performed.

Unfortunately, the side effects were so bad I gave up after a week. Horrible nausea all the time. Such extreme fatigue that i'd sleep 16 hours and still feel exhausted. Not to mention other side effects that are not appropriate to discuss here.

I am considering trying this nightmare of a drug again because I still remember that productivity but man that first experience literally felt like poison was seeping into all areas of my body.

Yeah that absolutely apathy is what kept me alive when I was so close to the edge.

But the side effects (and primary effects!) are also why I only ever stay on it for 3 to 4 months. The sexual side effects alone are enough to impede my recovery, let alone some of the other ones.

So I use it like a bandage to get through the worst parts, rather than a “take every day for years” drug. The “take every day” bit for me is CBT exercises to rewrite my mind, and it’s worked :)

The physical sides for Lexapro at least for me disappeared. I also got the nausea initially. It’s rough, I know.

There are other more modern SSRIs that might be worth trying too, but if escitalopram seemed to work then it might be worth trying to stick it out to see if the sides get better. They usually do

Can you expand on what these CBT exercises are?

I gave up after the Lexapro until this year where I am trying to tackle this issue again with the Welbutrin. I keep reading that maybe ayahuasca or psilocybin might be the miracle key that solves the underlying issues.