Dear self: we need to talk about social media

Re:Dear self: we need to talk about social media by DangitBobby on Friday December 24, 2021 @04:13PM (#29677787)

I don't have very healthy relationship with online communications, and especially social media. Generally I find any disruption from deep thought, especially notifications from my phone, chat, and email, to be very aggravating or even stressful. If I'm really into my work, I will audibly grumble or say "what!" loudly (I work at home by myself so this doesn't bother anyone else). I have to carefully curate all notifications (and in the case of email, be diligent about unsubscribing from newsletters/marketing material I didn't sign up for) to minimize disruption for my own sanity.

Even when I'm not working, a generic notification from my phone is stressful because the thought that it could be something that I have to deal with right now doesn't go away until I check it. Because of this, I have to blacklist any application that will happily send me useless notifications, which includes basically all social media apps, which means I don't know when someone is genuinely trying to engage with me on social media unless I visit all the time. As a result, I basically don't use social media. It's unfortunate to miss things that people only plan via indirect communication because of that, but it is what it is. I definitely feel like the ubiquity of planning and communication via e.g. Facebook means that I miss out on a lot of social events and interaction, so I must ironically conclude that I am alienated from most of my peers as a result of social media.

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Re:Dear self: we need to talk about social media by krisoft on Friday December 24, 2021 @04:58PM (#29678162)

I totaly get what you say about notifications. I also get anoyed by beeping or buzzing which robs me of my focus.

Here is how i handle it: I just set all my devices to be silent. I set things up such that I won’t even see the notifications. Periodically as I finish something, or need to take a brake I emerge from concentration and do a scan of my queued up notifications. And just then I answer them.

I’m not a first responder. If someone is going to literally die unless they hear from me immediately they better call the emergency numbers anyway.

Friends, family, coworkers all know and respect that they will get an answer but perhaps not immediately. In return when I get around it I make sure to respond in a usefull and thoughtfull way to the best of my abilities. People seems to be fine with it, and it prevents me from drowning in a constant barrage of pings.

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Re:Dear self: we need to talk about social media by fy20 on Friday December 24, 2021 @09:20PM (#29679745)

> I totaly get what you say about notifications. I also get anoyed by beeping or buzzing which robs me of my focus.

My pet peeve is people who leave Slack on the default settings to make a noise when messages are received and have the volume on their laptop turned up....

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Re:Dear self: we need to talk about social media by DangitBobby on Friday December 24, 2021 @06:07PM (#29678671)

I just need to be reachable from work and for emergencies during the day, so I am set up to recieve notifications from what could be urgent: SMS, calls, emails, and calendar reminders. Everything else gets the banhammer if it bothers me.

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Re:Dear self: we need to talk about social media by vegetablepotpie on Friday December 24, 2021 @06:34PM (#29678833)

Thank you for putting into words what I believe is the legitimate counter argument to the idea that choosing not to use a product you don’t like is the proportionate response to that product.

Because Facebook exists, it displaces other avenues for social connection that have been used previously. Facebook hurts you, even if you don’t choose to use it.

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Re:Dear self: we need to talk about social media by tksb on Friday December 24, 2021 @06:46PM (#29678908)

This is exactly how I feel. So, thank you for putting in to words what you saw so that I could hear it.

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Re:Dear self: we need to talk about social media by walrus01 on Friday December 24, 2021 @04:36PM (#29677978)

With android 8/9/10 it's totally possible to 100% disable all ability for a specific app to send any notifications at all. Not in the settings within the app, but at the operating system level. Not sure if same on iOS.

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Re:Dear self: we need to talk about social media by neuronic on Friday December 24, 2021 @05:57PM (#29678605)

Since iOS 15 it has been very easy to just configure a Focus mode. I put all (and I mean all) apps and contacts in a silent-list during whichever time I feel like being left alone.

Can still define certain contacts to reach you in case of emergency and so on.

Love it - silencing the phone is the best thing ever. Starve the attention economy of attention and let all the bad actors like Facebook/Meta slowly perish.

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Re:Dear self: we need to talk about social media by DangitBobby on Friday December 24, 2021 @06:09PM (#29678677)

This is what I end up doing for most apps. I try to customize them to only send me notifications I care about, but many apps do not let you disable notifications that are designed to increase engagement. Pixel + T-Mobile combined do a very, very good job of blocking robo-calls and spam texts too, so in general I'd say it's gotten much better.

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Re:Dear self: we need to talk about social media by rootusrootus on Friday December 24, 2021 @08:19PM (#29679405)

> Not sure if same on iOS.

Yes. iOS has several layers of notification control, including all the way down to the specific app. And also type of notification for each app. E.g. is it allowed to put an indicator on icon? How about pop up a banner? Now, can it make any noise?

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