Re:Ask HN: I feel so shallow and dumb when I see what other ...
by huge87 on Friday November 19, 2021 @06:03PM
(#29283720)
This is a common thread in many traditions of wisdom. The words change (surrender, accept, be with, open to, observe, witness, feel, welcome, embrace etc.) but the idea is the same: you have to feel difficult emotions fully in order to process them.
Dr. K's Healthy Gamer Twitch stream offered another descriptor I like - digest. Emotions can be digested if you allow yourself to feel them without getting swept away or identified with them.
That which you resist, persists. I could go on, but your comment reminded me that sages and therapists have pointed to the same thing.
I think acceptance is the right idea, yes.
There can be some urge to deny one's own emotions, perhaps push them aside as some sort of inconvenience or character flaw. Some might inwardly shout at themselves "stop whining! you're selfish to wallow like this!" (or any number of variations, both quiet and loud). That tends to just create more misery down the line, IMO. So, "welcoming" was meant as the opposite of that.
And processing emotions takes time, so by "feeling them through" I just meant allowing that process to run its course, rather than trying to inhibit or deny it. I don't think there's any stopping it, you just have to ride the wave.
YMMV of course, I'm no psychologist (: