It is a useful, if aggravating, exercise to recognize that they've all been shut down many times, and this is what that feels like. Turning it around back at you is neither fair nor helpful, but it does give you a glimpse of why it's so important.
Fixing racism and sexism and other problems means working with people, and the effort won't all be focused where it should be. And saying "Well, if you won't make it easy for me then I won't help" is your privilege showing: you can walk away from it. They can't.
That's going to mean shutting up and listening, and hearing a lot that you don't like. You're not just the outsider, you're the newcomer, and they've heard whatever you have to say before. You are neither so smart, nor so insightful, nor possessed of such a novel perspective as you think. Even if they appear not to know something you know, that doesn't mean you can fix anything by saying it until you've come to a place where you understand each other's language. Because what you're listening for is a lot of stuff that you're not hearing at first, in the subtext and assumptions and connections.
So you have my sympathy, and respect for sticking with it. That's the right thing. Even if it was really awful at times.
It dawned on me that after picking up books again (mostly SciFi), I had not read anything by a female author, nor had I read anything with a strong female or POC main character.
This kinda thing is probably not surprising to most who read classic SciFi. But if anyone has any recommendations for decent classic/modern SciFi novels by female, or with female protagonist I'd be interested.
I also just got back into reading, so forgive me if I've glossed over some incredible classic that meets that criteria.
Also, people might ask why it matters. How could it not? I've been readin stories about, a broken man, a bullish man, a smart man, a confused man. All men! I need some strong female characters to switch it up. William Gibson's Necromancer had something going with Molly, but it left more to be desired for me.
I have fairly low standards. If the author can (or can hire an editor to) put together decent sentences, paragraphs, and chapters, these days, I'll settle for that.
However, I cannot abide fiction that is "only you can save the universe" or anything that childish.
I also can't abide worldbuilding with hereditary elites (political, magical, whatever) or slavery in it -- the idea that some people are better than others because of who their parents were is anathema.
For MilSF, try Linda Nagata's The Red: First Light--although the main character is a man. For light ent, try M.C. A. Hogarth, or Julia Huni, or Becky Chambers.
For lots more suggestions, sift James Davis Nicoll's review site.[1]
But this isn't about me and what I go through. I'm just saying I get what this author is saying. And it really sucks. I hope that one day she is able to come out of the closet. Maybe she won't. That's her choice. But I hate that the world makes her feel like this. And until the world is more ready and accepting of people like her, I will start speaking out on things like this for people like her who feel they can't safely do so.
Also as a male feminist ally who doesn't really read women/queer/poc authors (I don't read too many books period) I really need to start doing so more.