Do you actually understand the value of any of that or are you just parroting something you read? What is web 3 and what concrete benefits will it provide?

It automates and decentralizes the entire financial infrastructure of the world and creates consensus around and enforcement of digital assets outside of the control of single governments. If you can't understand why this is revolutionary and haven't bothered to try in the decade you've been given, I'm clearly not going to convince you. My only recommendation would just be to try it out for yourself or go and listen to someone much smarter than me, like Vitalik, speak about it himself.

You’re right, crypto is deeply embarrassing.

Nah, you're like all those newspaper articles back in the day arguing about the internet being useless. It's obvious but you just don't want to see it.