Re:Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?
by dQw4w9WgXcQ on Sunday October 24, 2021 @02:28PM
(#28980630)
> if people won’t do this for you, if they respond by looking awkward or making uncomfortable jokes, then f-k em. You don’t need that in your life, and you’ll find much better people.
You could say "f-k em", or you could try something like "hey man, it hurts when you make jokes like that" or "I know this makes you uncomfortable to hear but I really just need ____ (encouragement, a kind word, etc) ____ right now"
Relationships at their core need grace and forgiveness, not a f-k em attitude. Plenty of those awkward/jokey people grew up in families where a spirit of listening/kindness/understanding was minimal and thus can't give what they never received. Assertive communication gives people that wobble room to grow to meet your unique needs.
Re:Ask HN: I'm making like 0 friends at college, how to fix it?
by adamcharnock on Sunday October 24, 2021 @03:35PM
(#28981171)
Absolutely. I was being a bit dramatic, but if this is something one is willing to do then by all means.
But, IMHO, turning these acquaintances into friends takes something else: showing vulnerability and being able to support the other person when they are vulnerable.
The comments here have some great advice, but I haven’t seen anyone mention this. Personally I think this is absolutely paramount.
The best friendships I have are with people who I have shared myself with, have been willing to listen, and who have listened with kindness and understanding. People who appreciate that I am showing faith in our friendship by opening up.
Some people will not give me that space. They will look uncomfortable or make awkward jokes. They will always be acquaintances to me, never friends.
Conversely, I must be willing to do this for other people. To listen with understanding, to ask questions, and to know when my opinion is not needed.
Now, for those who want it, here’s my strong opinion: if people won’t do this for you, if they respond by looking awkward or making uncomfortable jokes, then f*k em. You don’t need that in your life, and you’ll find much better people.